My confession

The time you didn’t say goodbye.

Remember?

I knew you were leaving. I saw it in your eyes, a promise about to become a truth. The blue in you gaze no longer held the dark in mine, it was looking for another horizon, for a place where you no longer were by my side.

I heard it in your voice, in the words you mumbled reluctantly, as if no longer meant for me. They were empty, too. Mere sounds, no meaning behind the mask; lies you kept on telling. Pretend games your lips created. I heard them all, even what you left unspoken. Silences can also scream. Can you hear them? Do they say my name?

I read it in your face, in every move you made. Your smile didn’t reach your eyes, your lips never longed my mouth. Those hands didn’t need my flesh, and your body never asked for mine. I read your every letter, yet none of it made goodbye. Were you trying that hard to leave me behind?

I could also feel it, the chills running up my spine, your absence settled between these arms, and you were still there but gone forever. No need to shout, your body sung the lullaby.

You thought my heart would be broken. Where are you? You thought I’d ask. Search high and low, even call the cops. You thought I’d ripped apart, but baby?

Here is my secret.

That night I let you part.

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