Today, I confess…



 This is me. I have a new book on my hands. It is beautiful, it is all I’ve been waiting for and more. I open the book, the first thing I do is to smell the pages. I close my eyes while I’m doing it. It smells like home, a hot cup of coffee, and a blanket over my lap. I inhale the smell of ink and I picture the story in my head. The next thing I do is something I do, not because I want to, but because I have to. There is an urge that comes within me, which forces me to flip through pages. I catch some words, but I don’t stop, I continue until I have the last sentence before me, then I read it. I close the book and smile.


I need to know the end of the book before reading it first, otherwise I get anxious. I need to know what happens, and if that book is part of a series, I go online and read through every spoiler. That’s the only way I am ready for the journey. That way I can sit on my ass and read with a smile of my face, with no eagerness to know whether they live or die. If I don’t do it, I cannot concentrate. I am sick, I know.

And that’s not it. I wish it were. I do this with everything: I knew the end of Buffy, the vampire slayer the moment I watched the first episode. Hell, I even know how Angel, the spinoff, ends; I know who is going to die in every anime series I watch even before I start watching them. But why?

I think I know the reason.

When I bought The Best of Me, by Nicholas Sparks, I knew Dawson was going to bite it (no spoilers here, freaking Sparks kills everyone).  I researched the whole thing and found that out, so, with that in mind, I felt emotionally prepared. Of course I cried when I read that part, but I knew it beforehand, so that helped me avoid all the chaos his death would have unleashed in me. I do it because I want to be ready when shit goes down, I don’t want to be unprepared and get all traumatized like some readers do. Stupid Kubo.

I am a cheater, right?

Well, yeah.

Besides I love spoilers, I like to read something or to watch something and pretend I know the future of the characters, except when they die. When I know someone is going to die in chapter 20, I cry from chapter 1 to chapter 19 and a half. So…




Am I the only one who does this? Please say no.


79 thoughts on “Today, I confess…

  1. Tanya Cliff says:

    I will do anything I can to avoid reading the ending…Lol
    People start talking about a movie I haven’t seen or a book on my shelf that I haven’t read, and I plug my ears and run out of the room.
    I do, however, LOVE the smell of books, especially old books and can spend hours at the used bookstore completely engrossed…It’s pathetic…there is my confession…no one likes to go to the used bookstore with me…🦇


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