This is me. I have a new book on my hands. It is beautiful, it is all I’ve been waiting for and more. I open the book, the first thing I do is to smell the pages. I close my eyes while I’m doing it. It smells like home, a hot cup of coffee, and a blanket over my lap. I inhale the smell of ink and I picture the story in my head. The next thing I do is something I do, not because I want to, but because I have to. There is an urge that comes within me, which forces me to flip through pages. I catch some words, but I don’t stop, I continue until I have the last sentence before me, then I read it. I close the book and smile.
I need to know the end of the book before reading it first, otherwise I get anxious. I need to know what happens, and if that book is part of a series, I go online and read through every spoiler. That’s the only way I am ready for the journey. That way I can sit on my ass and read with a smile of my face, with no eagerness to know whether they live or die. If I don’t do it, I cannot concentrate. I am sick, I know.
And that’s not it. I wish it were. I do this with everything: I knew the end of Buffy, the vampire slayer the moment I watched the first episode. Hell, I even know how Angel, the spinoff, ends; I know who is going to die in every anime series I watch even before I start watching them. But why?
I think I know the reason.
When I bought The Best of Me, by Nicholas Sparks, I knew Dawson was going to bite it (no spoilers here, freaking Sparks kills everyone). I researched the whole thing and found that out, so, with that in mind, I felt emotionally prepared. Of course I cried when I read that part, but I knew it beforehand, so that helped me avoid all the chaos his death would have unleashed in me. I do it because I want to be ready when shit goes down, I don’t want to be unprepared and get all traumatized like some readers do. Stupid Kubo.
I am a cheater, right?
Besides I love spoilers, I like to read something or to watch something and pretend I know the future of the characters, except when they die. When I know someone is going to die in chapter 20, I cry from chapter 1 to chapter 19 and a half. So…
Am I the only one who does this? Please say no.